Often, when I am working with someone in crisis, they have the natural feeling that their world is falling apart. Sometimes, it is.
We think of our world as fairly static; everything in its place. We build our world, as much as is possible, to our specifications. If things get out of line, we try to correct them. Often stress and frustration are proportional to the difference between what we think should be, and what actually is. But we deal with it, continuing to attempt to control our lives.
Then one day, something may happen over which we have no control. Someone is laid off work, or there is a death, illness, or a marriage is over. Suddenly, our world, as we knew it will never be the same. And so there is grief. There may also be anger, resentment and even a loss of faith. Sometimes it is difficult, even impossible, to imagine how our life will go on.
I am reminded of the little chick inside the shell, who must surely feel that his world is crumbling. In truth, the secure world in which he had been living is crumbling, and he can never go back there. But with each crumbling, a new, more expanded world is opening up.
This is not to suggest that there is no need to mourn the past. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t. Healing can take a long time, especially if we have lost a loved one. But healing is prolonged when we cling to a vision of life as it was, wishing it could be that way again.
If a job is lost, then we must put our energy into creating a new one. If a marriage has ended, then we must move on, and build a new life. If someone has died, we must learn to relate to them on the level of spirit, because spirit never dies. As much as we feel, “It wasn’t supposed to happen,” or “It should never have happened,” these comments refer to our plan. But the longer we live, the more we see that the Universal plan does not always conform to our wishes.
The only thing we can count on for certain is our own inner strength, and the fact that we can grow from every experience, if we so choose. The more we connect with other souls, the more we see our trials as part of the human experience, and the less alone we feel.
So, open your heart to those who are in pain, and if the pain is yours, receive the gifts of the open hearts of others. When the shell of the old-world cracks open, it is an opportunity for love and light to come pouring in.
Gwen Randall-Young is an author and award-winning psychologist. For permission to reprint this article, or to obtain books, CDs or MP3s, visit www.gwen.ca. Follow Gwen on Facebook for inspiration.
