Psychology for Living
“The privilege of a lifetime is to be who you truly are.” — Carl Jung
From the time we are young we are shaped by the world around us. Some young children are surrounded by unconditional love in a warm, accepting environment. They are free to explore their world. They may be exposed to a variety of learning experiences and find the world a friendly place. As they grow, they are not afraid to try new things, and have self-confidence.
The opposite situation would be one in which the child is born into a stressful environment, perhaps neglected, even abused. There is a whole range of possibilities that exist for children. They may be in an environment where they are frightened, afraid of getting in trouble, or are constantly criticized or devalued.
How the child moves into adulthood is affected by the past. Their background can have a powerful influence on how they see themselves, and the world. It is not uncommon to find adults who are worried what others might think, are afraid of taking risks, and perhaps are uncomfortable around others.
Their history has resulted a perception of themselves that is quite different from how others see them. This can strongly influence their life choices and behaviors. They can create a persona which they feel will make them acceptable.
Often by mid-life there can be a sense of unhappiness or lack of fulfillment. The person may not know what is missing, just that they are not as happy as they would like to be.
I believe this is because there is a disconnect between their true selves, and who they think they should be.
Some clients have shared that they do not know who they are or have no idea of what they might like to do if they could do anything. I often urge them to think of things they enjoyed when younger, or to try something totally new. It is the same way we figure out what we like in childhood. We try things, and if we enjoy them, we do more; if not, we try something different.
Some are afraid to try things because they may not be good at what they try. If we take the focus off performance, and just allow ourselves to simply experience and learn, we may stumble upon something we really enjoy.
What do you yearn for? Is there something you wish you could do? It is never too late to take up a new activity or hobby. In fact, doing so is not only good for the brain but also for the soul.
Being our true selves is being comfortable in our own skin. It is thinking and valuing our own thoughts. It is feeling free to “dance like no one is watching.” It is giving ourselves the freedom to be authentic, and not be influenced by the judgements or opinions of others.
Gwen Randall-Young is an author and award-winning psychologist. For permission to reprint this article, or to obtain books, CDs or MP3s, visit www.gwen.ca. Follow Gwen on Facebook for inspiration.