Psychology for Living
There are many kind souls in this world who would rather suffer pain themselves than to do anything that might cause hurt to others. This is a noble sentiment, but where do you draw the line?
It is much easier to refuse to buy products manufactured with child labor than to insist that the agreement was chores before play, when your child’s friends are waiting at the door. It is much easier to stop patronizing stores with unfair labor practices than to stop spending time with friends or family members who stress you out.
Sometimes it seems preferable to spend a lifetime in an unhappy relationship, then to devastate a partner by leaving. When we avoid paper that has not been made from recycled material, it is because we value the trees and the Earth’s ecosystem. When we avoid products that have come to the market through exploitation of people or animals, it is because we respect all life.
Consider this. You are as important as a child in Pakistan, an ivory tusk, or a monkey in a laboratory. You deserve to be respected, to be healthy, and to be free from harm. Unfortunately, there is no one but you who can protect these rights with vigilance and consciousness.
It is a healthy thing when we can identify any circumstances that are out of alignment, and peacefully state our case. If you pay for service, it is not mean or unkind to say that you are not happy with the results. If you are the parent who always volunteers for the field trips, it’s okay to say that you want a break. If a neighbour is taking too much of your time because he or she has no one to talk to, or nothing else to do, it is not wrong to say that you have many things that you want to do, and that you want to limit the coffee time.
If you are deeply unhappy in a relationship or friendship, and all efforts to improve it have not produced significant change, you owe it to yourself to move on. You are not responsible for the feelings of another person. You are responsible for acting with integrity, and being truthful.
Ironically, whenever we act according to our highest truth (what is most true at the core of our being), it always serves the highest good of all concerned. When if a relationship ends, there may well be a better life ahead for both parties, even if they do not see it at the time. If a friendship ends, it may mean that it is time for new experiences and new growth. Telling a business person that you are not satisfied with the level of service is important feedback. Others likely feel as you do and simply never come back. Your comments may stimulate positive change, ultimately resulting in increased business.
Being truthful about your feelings and brining your life into alignment with that truth is the deepest way of honouring your own soul, and the souls of all who share your journey.
Gwen Randall-Young is an author and award-winning psychologist. For permission to reprint this article, or to obtain books, CDs or MP3s, visit www.gwen.ca. Follow Gwen on Facebook for inspiration.