No answers to life’s little mysteries

My father tells the story of my first (supposedly) existential conversation. He held my hand as we walked out into the farmyard.

“Why are we here, Daddy? Why are we here.”

Children often ask the big “why” questions on their journey to making sense of the world around us. Of course, sometimes the barrage of “why, why, why” is just a ploy to engage the adult. They don’t really want to know “why”, they just want you to talk to them.

I have moved beyond the “why, why, why” that my grandchildren exhibit during their welcome visits. However, the method behind the madness of the world has continued to intrigue me throughout my life. I am frequently stymied when I try to make sense of the chaos that is the universe.

Here are some of the questions for which there seem to be no answers:

• Why can you arrange the wire hangers neatly on the clothes closet rod but when you return they are mating in a pile on the floor?

• Why is the third hand on the watch called \the second hand?

• Why are pizza boxes square when the pizza is round?

• Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

• Why can’t I put on eye makeup with my mouth closed?

• Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp?

• Why is it called pineapple, when’s there neither pine nor apple in it?

• Why is it called eggplant, when there’s no egg in it?

• What was the best thing before sliced bread?

• Why is an electrical outlet called an outlet when you plug things into it? Shouldn’t it be called an inlet?

• Why is it that when a person tells you there’s over a million stars in the universe you believe them, but if someone tells you there’s wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

• What would you use to dilute water?

Although this list is meant to be amusing, it suggests that we enjoy exploring the essential irrationality of the world. Ain’t life funny!