What is the biggest fear that humans have? Is it the fear of death? Perhaps a fear of falling? Often, we are told it is the fear of speaking in front of a group. In fact, the most widespread fear is the fear of change. Hence, any life event that forces change upon us becomes associated with fear.
There is an important distinction to be made here. Change that is chosen may still create some fear in us, but at least there is some sense of control. For example, if you decide to change jobs, you have time to think about it, to consider your options, and to plan when, where and how you will do it. Not so when you’re handed a pink slip.
If you decide to end your relationship, you think about it for a time, and consider a new life. You plan how you will actually end it, and what you will do after that. You can rehearse your plans in your mind. However,
if your partner comes home one day and announces that it’s over, there is the initial shock and pain to deal with, but then comes the mental chaos, as you try to adjust to all the changes that will ensue.
Ironically, throughout our lives we are taught to organize, to plan, to schedule and to otherwise order our lives. We are taught less about how to deal with situations that turn our lives upside down. We need to remind ourselves (and teach our children) that one of the most remarkable features of human beings is our ability to adapt to change.
The element that makes sporting events so interesting is the rapid change, and the sudden reversal of fortune. Movies and stories are made more interesting by the unexpected turn of events. Stories and games are more engaging if they keep us on the edge of our seats. How different it would be if we could view our lives as a challenging adventure. Indeed, there may be more setbacks than we would hope, but I’ve yet to see a team walk off the field before the final whistle because they were hopelessly behind. And I’ve never seen an actor quit the play because there were too many scene changes, or things were going badly for his character.
We must begin to foster the belief that whatever happens, we can deal with it. Of course we might grieve, cry, rage and ask, “Why me?” That is also part of our human nature. But we have an indomitable spirit that will not allow us to drown in our tears. Strangely, we often do not know this until life puts us to the test, and change, we must.
Gwen Randall-Young is an author and award-winning psychologist. For permission to reprint this article, or to obtain books, CDs or MP3s, visit www.gwen.ca. Follow Gwen on Facebook for inspiration.
