Sometimes we find ourselves in situations we do not like and have to live with it. Maybe you just can not stand the people you work with or the kids in your class. Changing your situation might not be an option, so how do you cope?
As a child, if you did not like your broccoli, you could make a face and push it away. But if you do that with people, it’s only going to make things worse. The more you hate your situation, the more miserable you are going to be. If people are being rude or mean to you, of course it is best to stay away from them. However, if you simply do not like them because they are different from you, isolating yourself is not the best solution.
Usually, isolating ourselves results in loneliness and even in depression. If we are judging others, often they can feel it and so they back away from us as well. Then we feel judged. What works much better is to adopt an attitude of friendliness towards everyone. This does not mean being phony, it just means that you treat everyone with respect, whether you like them or not.
Making the effort to smile, to greet people, and even to make small talk brings many rewards. If you do this, often you will find that some of those you dislike so much actually have a nice side to them. You might feel your heart opening up a little. You may even get to know someone who then becomes a friend. Even if it does not go that far, the simple act of smiling and saying hello makes you feel more positive. It also increases the likelihood that others will greet you pleasantly, and that is good for the self-esteem.
Often, how we feel about others is a state of mind, and that could change quickly. If there was a natural disaster, or a frightening situation at the office or at school, we might find ourselves supporting, or being supported by those very people we so disliked. We would see them then in a completely different light. Part of the maturing process is learning to ease up on our judgments, and to be accepting and kind to an ever-widening range of people.
No matter what the external differences might be, on the inside we are all more alike than we might want to admit. We all have our pains and sorrows, our strengths and weaknesses, and our hopes and dreams. None of us knows what life holds in store, for us or the others. In the meantime, every act of kindness counts.
Gwen Randall-Young is an author and award-winning psychologist. For permission to reprint this article, or to obtain books, CDs or MP3s, visit www.gwen.ca. Follow Gwen on Facebook for inspiration.
