We are not surprised when teenage girls start acting ‘hormonally’. We expect they will no longer always be sweet little girls and anticipate a whole range of different moods. We do not, hopefully, suddenly decide they are ‘bad’ simply because they have become harder to get along with. We can relate; women have been through the same thing themselves, and fathers have experience with their partner’s mood variations.
Although they go through similar changes, teenage boys are not always shown the same understanding. Because they have more testosterone, their ‘moodiness’ will often manifest as anger and aggressiveness, or simply a surly demeanor. This is often met with anger and aggression in return, which only adds to the emotional stew that is brewing in the family,
Girls have the advantage of naturally being more expressive when it comes to feelings. They also talk a lot amongst themselves. They have the opportunity to vent and get support for whatever they are going through. Boys, as we all know from our experience with men, are less likely to keep a running tab on the state of their emotions, much less to give a play-by-play of same to their best buddy.
Most boys have not had adult males around who model the processing of feelings. Is it any wonder, when the maelstrom of adolescent changes strikes, that boys withdraw into themselves and snarl at anyone who comes near? Are we surprised when they barricade themselves behind cereal boxes at breakfast, or suddenly have zero tolerance for anyone who steps over the threshold of their bedroom? We should not be.
In early times, the young adolescent would be spending his time hanging out with the men, learning the skills of hunting/gathering, and sitting around the fire at night listening to their stories. His days would be active, and the adrenalin and testosterone would make him a threatening foe for his prey. Now, at thirteen or fourteen he sits in a desk all day, and more than likely has female teachers. He is inactive, unless he is involved in sports—but they are extra-curricular. Biologically, he is programmed primarily for activity.
What can we do to help? First off, we can have a great deal of compassion. Culturally, we have not made it easy for him. We do have to set boundaries for acceptable behaviors, and we should try to elicit his co-operation rather than demanding and forcing it. He needs to be treated with kindness, even when we must be firm. We need to ensure that siblings are not adding to his frustrations and doing things they know will set him off. It is not an easy time for him, and so he needs our love and support.
Gwen Randall-Young is an author and award-winning psychologist. For permission to reprint this article, or to obtain books, audio recordings or to read other articles visit www.gwen.ca. Follow Gwen on Facebook for inspiration.
