Swept from the corners of my mind…
Summer has officially arrived, and with it comes that blissful stage when I lose track of my days, my chores, and often my will to form a complex thought. My brain is floating somewhere between a hammock and a cold drink, and honestly, I’m fine with that.
Unfortunately, Summer Brain has one side effect: while deep thoughts slide right off, petty irritations stick like sunscreen you forgot to rub in. So, in honour of this sun‑warmed mental fog, here is a list of things that annoy me enough to pierce even the softest, laziest July mood.
1. Big Corporations Asking Me to “Round Up”
If a store wants me to buy a can of soup for the Food Bank, I’m in. But when a giant corporation asks me to “round up” for charity—via an underpaid cashier who’s already doing three jobs—I get twitchy.
If my spare change were going toward staff benefits, living wages, or full‑time hours, I’d happily throw in a loonie. But no: my pittance becomes the company’s charitable contribution, complete with tax breaks and a warm glow for the CEO. I don’t need to fund corporate self‑congratulation. I just came for paper towels.
2. Shampoo Bottles with Tiny, Pale Letters
Why, in the year 2026, are shampoo and conditioner bottles still identical twins with lettering the colour of a shy peach whispering on a yellow background?
Even with glasses, I can’t read them. And of course, I’m not wearing glasses in the shower. No one wears glasses in the shower. So every morning becomes a high‑stakes guessing game. Conditioner first? Shampoo twice? Who knows. At this point, I’m one shower away from accidentally washing my hair with body lotion because the bottles all look like they were designed by someone who hates the human eye. I don’t need a decoding challenge before coffee.
3. “Free Gifts”
If it’s free, it’s a gift. If it’s a gift, it’s free. We don’t need both words.
Whenever I see “FREE GIFT!” plastered across a sales sign, I know I’m being lured into a trap. There is no such thing as a free lunch, and there is certainly no such thing as a free gift. If you have to shout it twice, it’s probably neither.
4. “Alot” Is Not a Word
I know Summer Brain is real but spellcheck still exists. And yet, “alot” keeps appearing like a grammatical jump scare.
You can allot resources. You can have a lot of something. But “alot” is a four‑letter abomination, a curse word forged in the depths of Hades. Every time I see it, a grammar angel loses its wings, and I lose a tiny piece of my soul.
5. Clothing Sizes That Make No Sense
I’m already a North American woman, which means I’m perpetually worried about being too big for my britches—literally. So why, in the same store, with the same designer label, can I try on three items in the exact same size and get:
- one that fits a small woodland creature,
- one that could double as a tent, and
- one that is possibly approaching a decent fit?
It’s Goldilocks, but with more sweating and self‑doubt. My ego cannot handle this emotional rollercoaster in a change room lit like a dental office. I just wanted pants, not an existential reckoning.
6. Pockets. Just… Pockets.
I want pockets in my clothes. I am not a fashion icon whose silhouette must remain a smooth, uninterrupted line. I am an older woman of an uncertain age who routinely forgets her purse.
My hips are already bulgy. A pocket won’t ruin the aesthetic. I just need somewhere to put my keys, my wallet, or my phone. Give me pockets and I promise the fashion world will survive the shock. And I will finally arrive places with my belongings attached to my body instead of abandoned in a satchel on a chair somewhere.
Summer Brain helps me forget to be angry about petty things, but the slightest provocation can still zing through my mind like biting on tin foil. Luckily, I’m so old that I quickly lose track of what’s irritating me. If I remember any other grievances, I’ll write them down—assuming I can find a pen, paper, and a pocket.
Until then, get off my lawn!
Cathy Bendle finds humour in the quirks of everyday life, from training teachers to dodging housework. When not writing, she’s either laughing at her pets, frantically Googling for her work assignments, or playing on her iPad. Her column appears every other Wednesday.
