Renee Lilley
Local Journalism Initiative Reporter
Portage Graphic Leader
While the holiday season is often portrayed as a time of celebration, for many, it is a period defined by the heavy weight of loss.
Brad Burnell, a course facilitator with the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) Central Region’s Thrive Learning Centre in Portage la Prairie, says the most important thing for people to understand is that grief is not a temporary state to be “overcome.”
“Grief doesn’t go away, but there are ways of living better with it,” said Burnell, who is also a certified support worker. “It’s going to be there for the long run.”
The ‘disappearing’ support system
Burnell noted that those grieving often face a secondary challenge: the sudden absence of a support network. While friends and family are often present in the immediate aftermath of a loss, that support can dwindle as the months pass.
“A lot of times, when somebody in the family dies, lots of people are around at the beginning. But then they’re all gone all of a sudden,” Burnell said. “It’s not really anybody’s fault. It’s just something that happens because we don’t know what to say to them.”
He encourages those suffering to take the difficult step of reaching out themselves rather than waiting for the phone to ring.
“Ask for what you need rather than wait for others to answer you, because they don’t know,” he said.
A personal journey
Burnell’s advice is rooted in personal experience. He has been navigating his own grief journey for 11 years following the death of his wife, who was only 49. He recalled a period of intense isolation and anger after she passed.
“I sat with my anger long enough until she told me her real name was grief,” he said. “The loneliness can be unbelievable. That is what I really try to get people to look at — get back with your social life. Start a new one.”
Burnell found solace in a local grief support group, which he now facilitates. He said being with others who understand the specific “dimensions” of loss — including the emotional, intellectual, and social impacts — is vital.
Tips for the holiday season
For those struggling to navigate the coming weeks, Burnell offers a few practical strategies:
Don’t overextend: “We don’t have to be Superman or Superwoman,” he said. He noted that he used to love cooking big holiday meals but eventually realized it was too much and stepped back.
Stay in touch: Make the phone calls you’ve been hesitant to make.
Accept imperfect support: Show appreciation for those trying to help, even if they say the wrong thing or suggest you “should be over it by now.”
Burnell reminds the community that grief isn’t limited to the death of a spouse or child; people grieve many different types of losses, and all are valid.
The CMHA’s grief courses are ongoing at the Portage la Prairie Regional Library and will continue into 2026. The next class is scheduled for Jan. 2, 2026.
— Renée Lilley is a Local Journalism Initiative reporter who works out of the Portage Graphic. The Local Journalism Initiative is funded by the Government of Canada.
