Notes from a messy desk….
“Listen, Linda!” If that phrase rings a bell, then you probably saw a video that made the rounds on social media a few years ago. It featured a small boy talking back to his mother, whose name was Linda. No matter what logic she used to convince him his behaviour had been unacceptable, he kept to the broken record – “Listen! Listen, Linda!”
Even as adults don’t we like our point of view to be heard? Recently, over coffee, tea, and cappa-frappa-latte-chinos at a local coffee shop, some of us got discussing the sorry state of world affairs. One lady remained silent. When asked “Do you find this boring?” she replied calmly, “No, I’m not bored. I’m just sitting here watching you guys get riled up.”
Having heard her comment, I couldn’t un-hear it. Unlike the stimulation of friendly debate, riled-upness feels kind of crummy. So I’ve been trying to pay attention, to listen more and babble less, in the hope of gaining more harmony in my section of the worldwide choir.
It’s the latest round in an ongoing quest to become a better listener, and brings to mind a trip to Winnipeg one year with an ex-boyfriend (because where else would you go for a Valentine’s break from Saskatchewan’s winter weather?)
While investigating a crafters’ market we discovered some magnets made from rocks. Each one featured a quote. I had trouble choosing, so the helpful male zeroed in on a dappled stone with pretty lettering — “This one! I’ll buy it for you!” — making me the proud owner of a tangible reminder that still adorns my fridge: It’s good to shut up sometimes… Marcel Marceau, famous French mime.
I like to think the boyfriend meant well. It’s a very cool rock, and as magnets go, powerful. I also think it’s good to have a sense of humour about ex-es.
Back to listening. I still catch myself yakking unnecessarily, but am at least figuring out which tactics do not improve listening skills. For example, replacing speech with food. It’s harder, not to mention impolite, to be talking with your mouth full, right? However, this remedy has side effects, like needing new jeans because the old ones got too tight. Scratch that plan.
Maybe smokers have the ticket. Surely you can’t chatter incessantly while juggling tobacco-sticks-on-fire? I wouldn’t seriously swap the talking habit for cigarettes, though. Too cold in the winter! I’ve seen those huddled workers enveloped in frosty clouds, exiled from their peers during coffee breaks. And astoundingly, still conversing. Trash that idea.
One friend suggested duct tape over my mouth, and I’m not sure she was kidding. We (okay, I) had been jabbering about unhelpful home remedies for cold sores, as in my neighbour’s son’s girlfriend’s sister swears by acidophilus pills, but they do zilch for me. Wait a sec… maybe my friend meant duct tape for the cold sores? Nooo…ouch! Sorry, digressing. Sticking to a topic can be hard.
Listening. Okay.
Why are habits so hard to change anyway? Well, umm, because they’re habits, I guess. It’s the nature of the beast. So when an encouraging individual told me “anything learned can be unlearned”, my ears perked up. Unfortunately, there was a catch. It seems practice and time are required. Dagnabbit.
Still, I’ll continue to try and “listen louder” next time. Because even if I’m 100 percent right, have piles of evidence, and just know others could benefit if they’d just co-operate, it’s good to shut up sometimes. But not quite as much as Marcel Marceau.
End
Lorna Blakeney is an avid writer who enjoys photography, history, travel, and genealogy. She was born and raised in Prince Albert, earned a B.A. from the University of Saskatchewan, likes to walk, and loves coffee shops. Her column appears the first Friday of the month.
