A wedding, which should be a joyous and exciting process, however, often turns into a very stressful one at best, and a nightmare at worst. This is because the planning of such an event necessitates a lot of communication, and if communication has not been a family’s strong point, this is a time when it will surely show.
Everyone involved may have a slightly different idea of how things should be, and power struggles may ensue. Of course, the couple need to be involved in the planning, because, after all, it is their wedding. On the other hand, if the parents are paying for the wedding, they naturally will want to have some say as to how their money is to be spent.
Working this out before the preparations begin may save many headaches later on. Each family will do things differently and there is no one right way. However, it is important that everyone is clear about how decisions are made.
The couple may feel that since it is their wedding, they should have the final say in all decisions. They may not realize that in many ways the wedding is partly for the parents as well, as they celebrate an important milestone in their lives, and the life of their child. A shared decision-making process, with each person listening to the other’s vision, and trying to accommodate everyone is ideal, but certainly not always practical.
As always, really listening to each other is important. There is a possible compromise in most situations. If the couple want complete control over all aspects of the wedding, they should probably pay for it themselves, and the parents are included and honored guests. Even if the parents are shouldering the entire cost, the engaged couple should make the decisions about the ceremony itself, because that part is truly theirs. In working out the details of the ceremony, they are creating the foundation upon which they are building their lives, and this process is an important phase in learning to work together.
What happens in the family during the planning of the wedding can set the tone for all of the years to come. If there was ever a time to be flexible, compassionate and understanding, and to refrain from attributing negative motives to others, this is it. Wedding memories linger for a lifetime, so make them as pleasant as possible.
Gwen Randall-Young is an author and award-winning psychologist. For permission to reprint this article, or to obtain books, CDs or MP3s, visit www.gwen.ca. Follow Gwen on Facebook for inspiration.